He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
