This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize