So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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