I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
