Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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