I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
