"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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