it's too hot outside to masturbate.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
