we have pet lesbian snakes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
