I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My bed smells like the plague
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
