Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
