the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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