? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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