So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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