Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
