Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
