I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
