After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
