Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
