paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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