i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize