WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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