I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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