I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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