You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
