you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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