Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What a dumb baby whore.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
