goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
