My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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