I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
