Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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