chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize