Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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