i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
