i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
