you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
