Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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