Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
