Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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