i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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