you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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