Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
