I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
