It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
