Having a random hookup so left but love u
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
