either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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