Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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