I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want her autograph on my taint
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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