anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
