and you said cock pushups were impossible
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
