so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
