Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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