I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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