I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
