Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
