I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
