when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
