You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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