I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
