There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
