so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
