Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
