Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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