sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
