Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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